Who Have I Become?

     Who Have I Become?

     I have found myself asking this question to myself more than I can even count here lately? Have you ever found yourself in a place in your life where you begin to notice that you are NOTHING like you once used to be? Well, this is where I am. Lately, I've noticed that I am so far from the person I once was that I almost don't even know myself. 

     I know that can seem a little crazy. The best thing I can come up with to make myself have a little understanding is that I truly began to seek the Lord and in doing so he began to reshape my mindset, alter my thought process, mold my heart to be more like his, gave me wisdom in areas that I once lacked it. He has given me new eyes to see as he sees, A drive to see the lost won to him as he desires, And even though I am NO WHERE NEAR to being on his level, I'm starting to understand the scripture he has so lovingly given us in Ezekiel. 

Let me share it with you. 

Ezekiel 36:24-32 NLT

24 For I will gather you up from all the nations and bring you home again to your land.

25 “Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. 26 And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.[a] 27 And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.

28 “And you will live in Israel, the land I gave your ancestors long ago. You will be my people, and I will be your God. 29 I will cleanse you of your filthy behavior. I will give you good crops of grain, and I will send no more famines on the land. 30 I will give you great harvests from your fruit trees and fields, and never again will the surrounding nations be able to scoff at your land for its famines. 31 Then you will remember your past sins and despise yourselves for all the detestable things you did. 32 But remember, says the Sovereign Lord, I am not doing this because you deserve it. O my people of Israel, you should be utterly ashamed of all you have done!

     Do you see what I am meaning? I can now understand that My amazing Jesus has washed me from my old ways and is in the process of making me more like him. What an honor. 

      So what about myself has changed exactly? Let me share one area he has truly began to reshape me in. As it says in the last part of that passage of scripture in verse 31, "Then you will remember your past sins and despise yourselves for all the detestable things you did."  This is so true. I look back when I was younger and see that I had a Gossipping problem. SHAMEFUL. At the time, I could not see it. To me, I didn't think twice about what I was saying or what was coming out of my mouth. I also was not digging in the word as I should have been. Clearly it says in Ephesians 4:29 to "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. "  HAVE you read what is stated in Romans 1:28-32? YIKES! Why in the world would anyone want to have part in that? I challenge you to go check that passage out for yourself. Pray before you do, because the Lord may just convict you on the spot. But don't fear. He has come to forgive you of your sins so that you may have everlasting life with him. 

     I am so thankful that long ago in my teenage years, I remember my daddy sharing something with me that has stuck with me all these years even though it took me a little while to fully grasp it. He once told me, "Candace, Trust is a big deal in your relationships with people. You cannot have someone tell you something and then you give your word to not repeat it and then go and repeat it. If you do, everyone will know you are not trustworthy and will never tell you anything. If you keep your word, others will know they can confide things in you that they would never tell anyone else because they know they can trust you with their personal information. If you are trustworthy you may just end up knowing more about others then most know about them." That last little part makes me giggle. Thinking back on it, It appears to be a sneaky way to know everyone's information. LOL, But, I feel that me being a young teenager at that time it was how he could get through to my young mind. Ha! Of course I do not look at it like that. :) As I grew older, I got caught up in the gossip world. Why on earth would I do this? Thank goodness, my sweet Jesus started reshaping my thoughts and heart. My ways began to transform to thoughts of "Why on earth would anyone not keep their word?" It just did not make sense to me. I started noticing others were having very difficult times and I wanted to be of help to them. Most of the time this would be a young girl. I could see the heartache behind their fake smiles and fronts that they used to keep their hurt hidden. I wanted to DIG DEEP into their hearts and minds to find out what was really going on in that head of theirs. I cannot pin point exactly when it was, but somewhere along my journey in the last 10 years or so, I began to have this full understanding of what it meant to just KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT! I mean in a way that when I noticed someone coming to me to confide in me, There was not even a second thought of "Who can I go tell this too?" I KNEW, that what they were dealing with was personal and they needed an outlet. And guess what, I began to keep my mouth shut. Soon after, I realized that the amounts of information I was being told by the amounts of people were growing and growing. I heard once before that the best way to stop a rumor is to not talk... OUCH!!! How many of us can relate to that? So back to my story. The ways these young women were approaching me, the things they were confiding in me, The prayers they were requesting... I eventually began to just break on the inside for them. Many times I've had ladies over to just get to know them and we end up having a cry fest and pour it all out on the table moment and it's as if I can see a little bit of their hurt being released. Things that they would have never opened up about or shared with anyone. And as I'm sitting there listening to them, no matter where we may be, My heart is just jumping on the inside with the thought of "Oh My Goodness, If you ONLY KNEW How much Jesus LOVES YOU GIRL!!!!!!!, If you only knew how much he wants to do for you!!!!! If you only knew how much your story could help someone else!!!!!" I used to be so afraid to ask them If I could pray with them after they poured out their heart to me, But over the last several months it's my immediate reaction. "Can I Pray over you?" That one little question seems to always be welcomed with a sweet smile or cry and the answer of "YES!" 

     As that scripture says above, That You will remember your past sins and despise yourself. This is so true. I'm disgusted with myself that I was ever the way that I once was. Do I still struggle from time to time. Absolutely, But, I know in my heart that God is making me more and more like him. I have learned that when one trusts you enough, they will share the most intimate and worrisome thoughts in their minds and hearts with you. I have learned that it is okay to keep my mouth shut. I have learned that it is okay to offer a prayer. I have learned that there are so many people out there hurting so deeply on the inside from past regrets and sins or things done to them that they never wanted in the first place that they will do all they can to muster up a fake smile and laughter in front of others to make it appear that nothing can hurt them. That nothing is wrong with them. That they have it all together. WHY in the world would you want to hang on to that for so long? I've walked the road of having things done to me that were never wanted. I was a young girl when it happened. I have walked the road of bad relationships. I have walked that road of being stabbed in the back. I have walked that road of division, hurt, heartache and all the feelings that come with it. Anger, Pride, Resentment, Bitterness, Being Cold hearted and thinking that no one understood what I was going through except me. Y'all, Can you hang with me here for just a moment. Do you not realize that when you are feeling these feelings, having these thoughts, acting this way that you are really just making it All About YOU?? Do you not know how selfish that is? I know that may hurt to hear, But please hear my heart. This is EXACTLY where Satan wants you! He wants you so caught up in everything that has been done to you, said about you, that you have messed up on that with out even realizing it, the one hidden word in all of that is "YOU". JUST STOP! There is a way out. HE is the way, the truth and the life. John 14:6. When you begin to realize that he can take your shame, self pity, "woe is me" attitude, hard heart, brokenness, heartache, or whatever it may be that you are hiding behind from you and carry that weight... And then realize that he can do this sweet thing as I mentioned above; 

“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. 26 And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.[a] 27 And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.

Then, you will begin to see just how much he LOVES YOU! Not only will you begin to see how much he loves you but you will begin to see how much he Loves OTHERS. You will begin to have this true genuine passion to see others hearts be transformed. You begin to cry at the thought of another hurting. You will begin to feel this longing in your heart for the one who repeatedly sins over and over and over, because you know in your heart that deep down, They just have not figured it out yet. You will start to notice yourself praying for others that you thought you would never care to pray for. You will see this precious gem that has been there all along for you known as "Transformation". 

     My oh my what the Lord has in store for you. It excites me to think about all the ones who read this post. All the ones who I may or may not know. I may or may never meet. But to trust that the eyes it falls on, The hearts it touches, the sweet convicting love of our Jesus that will penetrate your heart and begin to love on you and speak words like, "maybe you shouldn't do or say that, but it's okay, If you ask me for my forgiveness I'll freely give it and help you correct that wrong and let you learn from your mistake so that you don't do it again." That is His Love y'all. His Grace. His never ending desire to see you made new in Him. 

     How sweet is he. He tells us in John 14:25-27

25 I am telling you these things now while I am still with you. 26 But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.

27 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

     His ways truly are Overwhelmingly Beautiful.

     I pray that this post touches your heart in the way that He has designed it to. If you ever need to talk or ask for prayer, Please email me at overwhelminglybeautiful@gmail.com 

I would love to hear from you. 

Many blessings & Love,

Candace